Friday, July 29, 2011

Please don't feed the animals...

Most of us have heard the infamous joke "Inside me, there is a skinny woman trying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with chocolate." I like to take this quote very dear to heart, because the bitch really does need some chocolate.

Now for introductions and history. I am 24 years old and like most Americans, overweight. My weight gain started when I was about 14. My entire life I was always told how to look by my mom and "don't eat this or you will turn into me" type of attitudes in the household. I think the mental strain of always feeling like i have to cut back and exercise at a young age made me feel " no one is going to tell me what to do. It's my life and if i want to eat chocolate god damnit I'm gonna."

In high school I was probably a size 14, which compared to the other girls was bigger. I am really short, only about 5'1 so I always felt heavier anyway since my weight sits differently than the other girls. I remember shopping for my first prom dress in 10th grade. We went everywhere (that my parents could afford) and finally found a size 14 dress. Do you know how hard it apparently is to find a size 14 in juniors at JC Penny or DEB? I didn't have very many options to try on and I could not have an open back since i was so self conscious, so that limited it drastically.

When i look back on old prom photos and school pictures I hate myself for thinking i was HUGE. I wasn't, i was just a little bigger than the rest of the girls i knew. I was beautiful and i should have taken advantage of that instead of hiding myself from others. I think it was put into my brain when i was so young that i was fat and no one likes fat people. I was afraid of boys and what they would say about me, I would not wear a bathing suit around my friends unless i had something over it. I love my parents dearly but i feel as if i was brainwashed to think i was unattractive.

Which brings me to the age of 16. Size 16-18. Limited places to shop for a girl in a VERY small town that can make clothes to fit me but still express my youth. Fashion bug was the closest place and it was still a 2 hour drive. Don't get me wrong, i love fashion bug but my wardrobe hand turned into band t-shirts and pajama bottoms. Being in a small school with a class of about 19 was amazing for my wardrobe. I didn't have to have expensive clothes or fit in with he clicks because no one had those things, they just were not an option. And the "clicks" pshh we were too small to have a click so we all hung together. I miss my blue leopard pj pants and a pantara t-shirt :)

Don't feed it after midnight...Age 24 size 22-24. (jeeze my age just keeps increasing the same as my waistline)  I feel that at my young age that gastric is too heavy a surgery for someone my age. I do not want all the problems that come with it so i have decided to do Lap Band instead. I know that Lap Band still has its dangers but they are much less than gastric and it can be reversed if something goes wrong!

This is the beginning of my story and the process I am having to go through post and pre op so more people like me can know what to expect.


Post a Comment